Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize