My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
