so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
