dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Drunk is not a location!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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