I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
