I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i dont even know how to be here
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
