Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
