sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize