I am puke
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
