Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
