Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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