I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
