well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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