she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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