mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
