i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
