you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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