3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
