PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
