i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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