My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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