I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize