I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
