if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize