They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
