I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
