Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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