i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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