My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
