you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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