matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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