I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize