matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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