Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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