He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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