Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
