You just made me feel so damn special
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
