you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize