am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
