Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she looked like the before picture.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
