It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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