I have demons in me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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