how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
