I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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