A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
