so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
