a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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