No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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