So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
