There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
