I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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