Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
