girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
