What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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