theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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