I could make wine with my vomit
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
