His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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