it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
