did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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