I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
