Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize