Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
