you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
