Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
