Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
