Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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