that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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