dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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