I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
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