our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
