We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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