I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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