I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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