If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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