I need to stop coming to work sober
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
