are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
