i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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