i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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