i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
