i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
