I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i've created a new STD.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize