it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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