I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
