What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize