i wish my penis had a tongue
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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