i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have feelings that need drinking.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
