I just saw a hot homeless man
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
