Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
