the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
