I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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