I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
