Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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