she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
try to milk me bitch
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