I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize