I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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