im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
