I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
