I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That was an excessively violent trivia night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
