I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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