I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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