Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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