I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
