i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We're facebook friends in real life
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
