Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize