Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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