Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
